You are so amazing! Seriously!  But you just don't know it yet.  If you had any idea how amazing you were and how loved you were, you wouldn't waste your time being hard on yourself for making that last mistake you made.  Do you enjoy self pity?  Do you like fear? Shame?  Then have another thought - if you can.

The reason you are so amazing is because you were made in the image of someone even more amazing who isn't affraid of weakness, sin or mistakes.   

Once upon a time, not so long ago, yours truly had one of those moments where he found himself half-way through his natural coping cycle that always annoyed him even more then the actual problem. 

It usually goes something like this.  David is driving to his friends house, enjoying the great evening. Then, David realizes that he has made a serious mistake.  He then shrugs it off, not a real big deal, its ok really (coping mechanism now fully engaged).  Suddenly David finds himself tired of coping mechanisms and wants FREEDOM because he knows that shutting down painful feelings by shrugging it off, eating, drinking, listening to music, masturbating, doing drugs or just reading a book really will only help for a little while and eventually leave him feeling empty again and even WORSE then before.  SO, half way through his cycle he decides to STOP - OUCH!  And suddenly finds himself staring into the extremely bright headlights of his pain. But he HAS to go somewhere because if he chooses not to shrug it off, read a book, have sex, or watch a movie, then he will have to GO SOMEWHERE ELSE INSTEAD - and besides, what he did last time just didn't do the job very well anyway. He seemed to have less and less pain AND FUN and even more empty afterwards.  

So he shows up at his friends house, he's still caught half way through his cycle and feeling MISERABLE.  His friend asks him how he's doing.  Fine, Dave says.  Thankfully, Dave has a friend who actually cares about him.  His friend says: Don't 'F' me off like that.  Dave: I DID'NT CUSS!  But now he's forming a few choice words.  Dave's friend:  you know what I mean, your not 'fine'.  So Dave sits down and explains how he's caught in the middle of his cycle and really doesn't know what to do.  He suddenly remembers his nice theology of how much God loves him, but has this realization that he never really went to God for comfort in the middle of his pain.  He never really told God how much it hurt, or even asked for His help with it.  So Dave decides to cry out to God with all his heart and hurt. He tells Him all about it and suddenly experiences a peace that goes beyond understanding.  It still hurt a bit when he thought about his mistake, but now he wasn't alone because there was a Presence that was greater then anything else. And the Presence began to heal His heart.   

And him and his Presence lived happily ever after - or at least until the next day when he found himself asking: why is it so hard to let Him deeper into my heart?  The one WHO DID AND STILL DOES EVERYTHING HE CAN TO BE WITH ME?  So Dave realizes again that he can't even draw close to God very well, and again he cries out for help, because now that he's reborn, he sees that he gets to choose wether or not he wants to grow up.  Now he's learning dependance on the One who is LOVE.  

Based on the true story of David's Life. 

    I picked up "the Dream Giver" by  Bruce Wilkerson the other day.  Its so simple and so good, I had to cry a couple times. Its so true and really easy reading. I know what its like for "Normal to leave the land of Familiar because he was given a Big Dream and doesn't want to be a Nobody".

    In other random, personal news...   A friend shared a verse that has stuck in my heart for the past month or so. - John 6:53 "I say to you, unless you eat My flesh and drink My blood, you have no life in you."  He says later in the chapter: My words are Spirit and they are Life. 
    Its become a necesity for me to take and eat of the body and blood of Jesus every morning as I climb out of bed.  Its something you recieve in your spirit, and when you meditate on it, it so softens your heart. Its a free gift, He says; here Dave, take and eat.  I overcame everything and gave up my reputation, my health my comfort, etc, so the vail of temple could be torn - you can now enter into My Presence.
    Lately the Lord has been allowing me to feel His Presence is such amazing ways.  Its taken time for me to come to a place where I can embrace it and enjoy Him in it because sometimes it gets so strong that it hurts (burns my chest).  I've been thinking about Matt 6 where it says  ²² “The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. ²³ But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!"  Whenever I gaze on the Lord (make Him the center of my minds eye) I experience so much.  It usually feels like electricity going through my body or a burning in my chest, or both.  The other side of it that kinda freaks me out is that when I go for a short period of time without giving my attention to Him, I occasionally get hit with this overwhelming sense of weakness/emptyness that kinda scares me - it wakes me up to the reality of what I am without Him. This has been something that I've been processing and meditating on for a couple monthes now and even the ability to meditate has been a gift of God as well as me giving it all my energies, which aren't much.  Bringing my thoughts to a standstill and under the authority of Holy Spirit is a continual learning - maturing process.  But its so freeing when you can just - "Be still and know that He is God.  My mind would create total unrest and ultimately self destruct if it wasn't for Holy Spirit

    I share all that because I believe that God is moving on hearts of many people around the world and will continue to move in greater ways just as He promised.  He said in the last days He will pour out His Spirit on all flesh. He's doing this because He's so full of love and doesn't want anyone to die (be spiritualy seperated from Himself).  When Holy Spirit reveals Jesus in such a tangible way, it makes all other pleasures insignificant. I guess that's why David said in Psalm 16:11 You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy;  At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

In John 6 After Jesus had done some miracles and taught, people came Him and said: What should we do to do the works God requires? (I've asked this question way too often myself) and Jesus, knowing the propensity of our hearts to try to act like we are something that we are really aren't inside, says: “This is the work of God, that you believe in the One He sent.

I've found I have to depend on Him even for the faith to trust Him.  He's so good even in the middle of my pain and questions.

Religion:  (1) A strong belief in a Supernatural power or powers that control human destiny.
(2) Institution to express belief in a Divine power.

Religion is quite clearly the cause of most of the world's conflict and wars.  I recently talked with a young man who would lean towards a Budist's view of life.  His thoughts were that if your religion doesn't produce better people then its not working. "Better" in our conversation meant less selfish.  Not a bad view of religion.  

He clearly said he really isn't sure what he believes and wants to continue to learn.  I shared a short version of a supernatural experience I had and a few verses to go along with it. We had a great discussion. The primary note we ended on was that we are both learning and will continue to do so.

So do you believe you are deceived?  Do you feel you see clearly?  I believe that in order to not be deceived we must see every situation as God would see it since He alone sets the standard for us.  To not see as He sees means we are blind and need His help in order to see. One of the big problems Jesus had with the religious leaders of His day is that they all thought they could see clearly, so He told them that because of that reason their blindness remains (John 9:39 - 41).  The reason for the law is to bring us to Christ. Instead of coming to Him for life we often develop a nice list of good things to do.  Once we have a nice list of things to live by we can then depend on those good things rather then an authentic, life changing relationship with God.  (John 5:38-42).  It is human nature to fall into a rut.  It is natural for us to develop a system of religious belief that is less then a vital relationship with our Father in heaven.

So what is "Living Water"?  Some time ago I stated something along the lines that I don't want to build mountains out of 3 or 4 biblical principles but I rather drink from the Living Water.  So what do you think that means? Have you experienced the result of drinking of this Water?  Do experience it regularly?  Should it be experienced regularly? 

I pulled another good one today.  I encounter random, short term memory lapses that make me laugh once my pride is laid aside.  While at work today, I had a phone call while downstairs washing my hands in our little kitchen.  So I answer my cell and go upstairs to my office.  While I'm on the phone taking care of business, I ask myself: where's my phone? I check my empty pockets and then head downstairs thinking I left my phone in the kitchen.  About the time I get to the kitchen I suddenly remember - Oh yea, I'm talking on my it!    I had a good laugh about that one.

Then I saw this quote on googles' home page

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
  - Thomas Szasz

In repentance and rest is your salvation.  In quietness and trust is your strength.  Isa 30.

I'm so learning how to be real before Lord and people.  How to say no to internal pressure, fear and obligation.  And how to say no to the pressure that people people unknowingly express towards me.  The cross is the foundation.  Without death there will never be true life.

Its pretty funny.  I'm learning to laugh at myself and my mistakes. Seems like I generally over-react to things.  I do this much more then I realize.  After I was convicted of how much I go to working out for my identity I totally quite exercising for 2 weeks straight.  I called in to cancel my Y membership like soon after this issue was brought to my attention and I couldn't cancel it because the right person wasn't in.  I also had a sense like: is canceling this really what God is asking of me?  But I so wanted to be RIGHT.  You know, have it figured out just so I could be Mr. Right.  So if i'm getting my identity from working out then I will just stop it and then I will be right.  Right?    WRONG! I'm so thankful that I'm allowed to be a mess, and that I'm allowed to make mistakes and that I don't have to have it all figured out because that's anything but rest.  A friend of mine said the following about how I was responding: its like having a problem with overeating so you just decide to quit eating .  I find its so much easier to avoid things that stir up the sin that is INSIDE me rather then facing it and taking it to the cross.  Without the death of the sin in us there is no life if us. 

So I'm back to the Y.  Its different though.  And actually more fun.  I have to depend on Him to help me recognize the sin AND how to handle the sin.  We are to flea youthful lusts like the bible says, but we do that by taking it to cross.  Its something that happens inside us.  If it never happens inside us then we will never be free.  I have to rely on Him to help me know what it means to handle my body as a temple of the Spirit. - Not to mention a lot of other things, like how to be quiet and not defend yourself when falsely accused by someone you love.  Holy Spirit brought this question to my attention recently:  So if you are defending yourself, which self is it that you are defending? Me in you or just you?  Walking out this process of death and freedom is quite painful, and so worth it. 

So its back to the verse I started with.  I never noticed "quietness" in that verse until some of the recent hard things that I have been going through.  Its so freeing to know that I don't have to be understood by everyone.